Hack Your Way To A Better Sex Life – Dr. Emily Morse – #373
By: Dave Asprey
December 23, 2016
Why you should listen –
Start off the New Year right with some toe-curling, lip biting sex tips from Sex With Emily’s Dr. Emily Morse. Emily combines ancient techniques, cutting-edge science, and a little bit of psychology mixed in, to help you achieve greater physical satisfaction with your partner while at the same time allowing you to shed some of the embarrassment and shame surrounding sexuality that can prevent people from fully enjoying sex.
Enjoy the show!
0:00 – Thomson Tee (enter Bulletproof at checkout)
1:40 – Cool fact of the day!
2:40 – Teeter Inversion Table
4:00 – New coffee roasts at Bulletproof!
5:00 – Welcome Emily Morse!
5:50 – Top tech items to improve your sex life
10:00 – Dave and Lana’s stem cell experiment
14:00 – How sex changes over time
16:40 – How the pill affects your sense of smell
19:50 – Kegel exercises for men and women
30:00 – How did Emily end up doing this for a living?
33:00 – How to be safe
37:00 – Sexual resolutions
38:45 – Shame
42:00 – Emily’s top 3 recommendations for performing better in the bedroom
45:00 – Biohacked Box
Follow Along with the Transcript!
Dave Asprey: You ever have one of those times when you’re in a really big meeting, really big stakes, and you start to sweat because it’s hot or maybe even because you’re nervous? It’s certainly happened to me, maybe in one of my first Silicon Valley pitch meetings. I never liked that. It was really a problem for me when I was heavier. It turns out now you no longer need to worry about underarm sweat or the embarrassment of sweat appearing through your shirt with an undershirt from Thompson Tee. The Thompson Tee with hydro shield sweat-proof technology is a patented undershirt guaranteed to completely block underarm sweat, preventing those embarrassing wet marks and yellow stains. They’re handcrafted in the USA. The undershirts come in a variety of styles, sizes, and colors.
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Speaker 2: Bulletproof Radio, a state of high performance.
Dave Asprey: You’re listening to Bulletproof Radio with Dave Asprey. Today’s cool fact of the day is that you’ve often heard from me that the brain has the most mitochondria per cell of anywhere in the body. The brain, the eye, and the heart, but that’s not actually true. The cool fact of the day for today is that the part of the body that has the very most mitochondria, these power plants per cell, is actually the ovaries. In women, the ovaries have 10 times more power production capacity than the brain of a man or a woman, or at least in an individual brain cell. The ovaries are smaller than your brain. When you look at mitochondrial density, it’s actually a pretty good indication of how important those tissues are.
That might be a precursor to what we’re going to talk about on the show today. If you have little ones present who simply don’t know anything about the birds and the bees, maybe this isn’t the right episode for you, but we won’t get too crazy. Before you find out who today’s guest is, though, if you’re a regular listener, you’ve heard me share my list of top 10 bio hacks. Let’s talk about number nine, fun hacks for the bulletproof mind. It may sound weird, but hanging upside down is a great way to hack your brain. Regularly inverting trains your brain capillaries, making them stronger and more capable to bring oxygen to your brain. It’s pretty straightforward. More oxygen in the brain means better performance.
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I would totally love it if you went over to iTunes right now and you left some feedback, because it’s amazing what happens when you just take a few seconds to leave a five star review. It helps other people find the show, and that just provides more leverage for the time and energy that goes into interviews like this so that you can learn actionable, useful stuff. While you’re at it, check out bulletproof.com, because we have a bunch of new types of coffee. We’ve got the mentalist roast, and we’ve got French kick, a roast that’s dark, but not burned. You’ll find that if you head over there, there’s now those, plus our Bulletproof process decaf and the original roast. No matter how you like your coffee, we can get you the best beans, the cleanest beans that make you feel amazing. That’s on bulletproof.com.
Today’s guest is none other than Dr. Emily Morse. She’s the host and creator of the successful and wildly popular Sex With Emily podcast and website, which by the way, has the best, most marketable name ever, because you cannot forget that name. She’s also the author of a book called “Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight”, and she’s the founder of Kegel Camp, which is an app that is a fun and easy way for men and women to get the benefits of kegel exercises. Yes, men can do kegel exercises. No, you probably don’t want to use a kegel barbell if you’re a man. Just saying. Emily, welcome to the show.
Emily Morse: So great to be on your show again, Dave. I’m so happy for you and all your success.
Dave Asprey: Likewise.
Emily Morse: I love it.
Dave Asprey: I’ve been seeing ask Emily columns everywhere, and I haven’t dared to ask you any of those deep, personal questions myself, but that’s why we have a show. We can ask all these questions.
Emily Morse: Can’t wait. I’m open. Whatever you got, ask me.
Dave Asprey: All right. I want to know, because it is this end of the year season, and things like that, the top tech items that can improve your sex life. What are some of the things that you think are most interesting right now?
Emily Morse: Okay, this is a good question, because as part of my job, I have to travel around the world to different sex conferences and see what the latest and greatest things that are happening for sex. One of them is there’s a five minute fix now for women’s libido. Imagine that. One of the top questions I get asked is from women and men, “Why doesn’t my partner want to have sex with me? I have low libido, no desire. What do we do about it?” As we know, female Viagra will not ever exist, at least during our time.
There’s a product called the Fiera. It’s a product that you use it regularly. A woman lays back in bed, uses it five minutes a day, and it attaches to your clitoris using gentle suction. What this does is it stimulates her physical arousal. There’s blood that rushes to her clitoris. It’s not a vibrator, but what it does do is it spikes her arousal using it once a week for a month, she’s going to realize without pills, without anything … It was developed my medical professionals for women. There was nothing else like this. I’ve tried it. We’ve all tried it. That’s another perks of our job is we get to try everything on the market, and it’s pretty amazing.
Dave Asprey: Okay, so is this a little battery operated suction device kind of thing, or is it a little plunger?
Emily Morse: It’s not a plunger. It kind of looks like a little butterfly. It’s kind of like a [inaudible 00:07:30]. It’s the six of your palm, and you put it on, and it’s got this indicator light. You’d like this. When it makes an attachment, a connection, it suctions, the light turns blue. You sit there for five minutes, and you charge it up like you would a vibrator. It just has this gentle vibration waves, but again, not like a vibrator. It brings the blood to the clitoris so women are getting more turned on this way. Then you take it off, and you can have sex. Women are reporting … Again, it was a team of professionals. Yeah, it’s awesome.
Dave Asprey: You use this thing, it’s called the Fiera. You use it before sex, or just use it every morning so then you’ll just be more aroused all the time?
Emily Morse: Use it before sex. You use it in the morning as part of your routine. Women are reporting that once they get that blood flowing and they’re going, that they don’t even need to use it as often, because they’re already in the mood for it. What happens is we get so distracted with our … Men, you get turned on if you see someone walking down the street. You’re like, “I’m ready to go.” For women, if our brain is not on board, our body will not follow. If you lay down, you’re trying, and this is going to stimulate you five minutes a day, you start to think about sex more, you’re having sex more, you’re going to want sex more. It’ll increase desire, overall desire for sex. It’s kind of a warm-up for women who have decreased libido.
Dave Asprey: That sounds automated.
Emily Morse: [crosstalk 00:09:02]. It sounds what?
Dave Asprey: I can [inaudible 00:09:03] like, “Oh, I’m just brushing my teeth in the morning, and doing my daily arousal.” It’s just kind of funny, actually.
Emily Morse: That’s because guys don’t need to do that, but for women they’re like, “I don’t want to take a pill. I don’t want to have sex,” so it’s five minutes. You lay back, and then you kind of look forward to it, because it feels good. You’re like, “Oh, okay. Now I think I’m ready. I would like to have some sex.” It’s working, and it was developed by a team of women and professionals. It’s just like it is the number one question I get asked wherever I go. Every woman thinks they’re the only one dealing with it. I get pulled aside at parties like, “I don’t want to have sex anymore. What do I do? I don’t have the desire?” Then the men are like, “She doesn’t want to have sex.” If this device you buy it, you wear it a few times a week, and it can help, which we’ve all tried it. It does work.
Dave Asprey: That may sound weird if you’re in your mid 20s and you don’t have this problem, you’re like, “What the heck? Why are these people talking about it?” Over time, this is a major issue. I hear about it all the time from people as well. They’re like, “How do I hack that?”
Emily Morse: It’s a hack.
Dave Asprey: I’m not a sexologist, but one of the things that got a lot of attention at the Bulletproof Conference this year, which you missed, by the way, is-
Emily Morse: I was [crosstalk 00:10:12]. I was in Amsterdam.
Dave Asprey: I know you were travelling.
Emily Morse: I was in Amsterdam at a sex conference learning about the Fiera, but I would have loved to have been there.
Dave Asprey: Amsterdam has some pretty good sex conferences, I hear. I can see why you made that decision. I would have been there, too. Just kidding.
Emily Morse: [crosstalk 00:10:25].
Dave Asprey: What we did is I had my stem cells taken out, and my wife, Dr. Lanna, had her stem cells taken out, actually extracted from our own fat, and then re-injected at various parts of the body, all sorts of injury sites. I had my stem cells injected into, well, they call it the P shot. You can imagine where it was injected. Lanna, who’s in her late 40s, had her stem cells injected, in addition to all the normal injury sites and things like that, into what they call the O shot. Basically-
Emily Morse: I’ve heard of … No, they’ve been wanting me to do this. Keep going. Yeah.
Dave Asprey: Profound changes in a week, like back to 25 years old again. Giant changes that are just not even believable.
Emily Morse: She did the O shot?
Dave Asprey: She did the O shot. They did it into the vaginal walls and into the clitoris. She talked about this on stage, so that’s the downside of being a professional bio hacker is sometimes you broadcast a video of what your toes look like when the needle goes in. You see this video of my toes going, “Ahh!” It was kind of painful to get the shots, but both of us experienced a renewed vigor, as you might say.
Emily Morse: Goodness. I’ve heard all about the O shot. They’ve been wanting to get me in there. Tell me, yeah.
Dave Asprey: You should try it. She’s a mother of two kids, and things shift over time. They shifted back really, really radically and really quickly. Things like, “Oh, my toes curl again,” and pretty cool stuff. There are definitely things that you can do that are libido related, and even just a little bit of suction, like you’re talking about, more blood flow. More blood flow on a regular basis equals cells actually come back to life. They’re not dead, but they’re [sinession 00:12:12]. They’re asleep. They don’t have enough metabolic activity. Just a change in blood flow is kind of cool.
Emily Morse: That’s exactly what it is. I was going to say that it just creates the physical arousal that’ll stimulate your brain to be thinking about it again, because it does kind of dormant, if you’re not [inaudible 00:12:28] paying attention to it, stimulating it with the O shot. I love that you did it. I’ve got to talk to her about it. I’ll watch it. Did you tape all the conference?
Dave Asprey: Oh yeah, yeah. The whole conference proceedings are available online. I’ll get you a pass. It’s probably bulletproofconference.com I think is the right thing, but we’ll get you the code, because we have the proceedings all there. A lot of people listening, you’re like okay, either we’re all just kind of talking about this for no reason, but here’s the thing. We also had a guy who goes by the name of Dr. Love, Paul Zak, who’s an expert in oxytocin, talking about oxytocin. What’s happening here is if you don’t have a functioning sex life is your ability to perform in the board room, show up as a parent, or as a spouse, as a friend, as an employee, whatever it is you do in life, if you’re not dealing with that part of it, it affects your neurotransmitters. It affects your happiness levels. You’ve got to address this stuff. If you can do it better or faster or have some kind of technology or do whatever turns you on, even if it involves whatever turns you on, it doesn’t matter, it’s important that you pay attention to those things.
Emily Morse: Absolutely, but the other thing I want to say, Dave, is it was interesting. You said, “In your 20s, you don’t have to worry about it.” When you’re in a long term relationship, if you’re in your 20s and you’ve been dating someone for two … My producer, she’s been in a relationship for three years, and she’s like, “God, it …” She was more excited than anybody, been living with her boyfriend, she’s 28, to try it, because she’s like, “If you’ve been living …” You know. You’re living with someone, the same thing over and over again. It’s biology. The honeymoon phase will end, everybody. It happens in every relationship. Everyone is so surprised that, “God, I no longer want to have sex anymore as much as I did those first six months.”
Dave Asprey: It’s eating the same flavor of ice cream everyday for the rest of your life. You might want to put some chocolate sauce on it. That’s all I’m saying.
Emily Morse: Just a little chocolate, little sprinkles.
Dave Asprey: Yeah, whatever little variations are good. If it’s a piece of technology, that’s cool. I agree. This is something that no one told me when I was in my 20s. I don’t think people talk about this very much. In your columns, in your writing, you talk about this quite a bit, but for listeners who are earlier in the stages of adult development, the Eriksonian stages there, this happens to pretty much all of us over time. I just turned 44. It’s amazing what changes over time, even if you’re doing anti-aging stuff.
Emily Morse: No, it is absolutely true. I always wonder why, because I get hundreds of emails a day to my inbox, Sex with Emily. I had a few questions, we answer them on the podcast. Literally it’s like they realize they were the first one that realized the world wasn’t flat. They’re like, “Oh my God, I no longer want to have sex. I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together two years.” Nobody prepares you for this. I always tell couples you prepare for everything else. You move in together. You kind of decide on what color you’re going to paint the room. You might start saving for a 401K. Are we going to move to the country or the city? You don’t talk about your sex life, because just know, it is going to wane. There will be challenges. It’s part of being in a relationship. We talk about that a lot. Prepare for it. Don’t be so shocked. We have things you can do.
Dave Asprey: Something that actually inspires me is that it may be social media that did it or just the ease of communication, but I find that people … I look back to the way I was when I was 20. I was pretty resistant to outside information, and so were a lot of the people around me. I find that the younger people I get to hang out with now, they’re actively seeking to avoid the kind of mistakes that I was like, “I’ll make those mistakes myself.” It’s kind of cool, because they’ll ask the questions on your show, and they’ll listen to the answer, whereas I wouldn’t even ask the question back then.
Emily Morse: Right. I think back then we didn’t even know what the questions were. My sex education was abysmal, and my mom would say, “If you got any questions, ask me.” I didn’t even know what to ask. I was a [inaudible 00:16:15]. I never had an orgasm. I didn’t think to masturbate. I didn’t know. Now it’s like we kind of know, and there’s so many places to … Not a lot of places to get great sex information. My website, I hope, but in sex education is, like I said, abysmal. Yeah, now people are more curious, so it’s good.
Dave Asprey: They’re more curious and just more open to playing with what’s happening, and just learning from others. I’m happy that you’re talking about the changes that happen in relationships. The other thing that happens that no one talks about, and you may have addressed this on one of your shows, but if not, I want to hear your thoughts on this or if you’ve heard about it. When you’re on the pill, it changes how you sense your mate’s smell. We’re attracted to people based on smell and a bunch of other things. A women will be really attracted to her boyfriend. They get married. She goes off the pill, and all of a sudden he’s not attractive anymore.
This is scary stuff. My advice for people who are on the pill, number one, if you want to live a long time and not get cancer and all this stuff, quit messing with your hormones. Get off the pill and start tracking your ovulation. Just learn how your body works. Okay, if you’re not going to do that, get off the pill for at least six months before you get married, because if you loose attraction to the person that you think is the one, you might want to know that before you have babies, just saying.
Emily Morse: I totally agree with you. The pill, here’s the other thing that we didn’t find out. Your doctor goes in, he gives you a pill, he doesn’t tell you, “Guess what? Besides all the attraction stuff, you might get depressed. You’re going to be bloated,” all these side-effects that no one tells you. They also don’t tell you that you can adjust it, that if this pill doesn’t work for you, you might need another kind of birth control. Adjust it, the different level of estrogen, progesterone, IUD, whatever you want to get, and they warn you of nothing.
When young girls who are getting it, they’re like, “I want to go back to the doctor.” Hard enough to get an appointment. There’s all these things around the pill that I think you’re right. Just use condoms. Get [inaudible 00:18:15] maybe take some time, figure it out. You’re right, but it is true. What if you made this big mistake? You wake up and smell your husband, and he’s the wrong guy for you. Wake up and smell the roses, smell the husband.
Dave Asprey: There’s other things, too, that the more I dig into how our bodies work and the delicate dance we have in the environment around us, the reason you’re attracted to the smell of your husband and he’s attracted to you is that that signals biological genetic compatibility. You are at a very low level wired to not want to have sex with people who aren’t going to give you good babies. If you mess with that system, it’s just not going to end well. It’s not that you can’t have a healthy baby. It’s just that the baby won’t be as healthy as it could have been had you allowed your body to help you choose someone you’re attracted to.
Emily Morse: Right. I know. It’s fascinating.
Dave Asprey: It is.
Emily Morse: [inaudible 00:19:07] this happened, your wife go off the pill, and she was like, “Eh.”
Dave Asprey: She didn’t like me in the first place. She was just using me for my good looks.
Emily Morse: [inaudible 00:19:15] change. You look good, Dave. I got to say, you look …
Dave Asprey: Just kidding. She wasn’t on the pill. She, being a trained physician who looked at the side effects was like, “This is bad news. I’m not doing that.”
Emily Morse: I know, it is bad news. Even my nieces, they’re getting on the pill. I’m like, “God, can we talk?” Yeah, not the best thing.
Dave Asprey: Yeah. Let’s talk about kegel exercises, because this is something that I actually haven’t written about, I don’t believe, on the Bulletproof website. It’s something I’ve known about for a long time, something that guys absolutely should be doing, something that I’ve actually done for a long time, and something that a lot of women do. Let’s talk about kegel exercises, first for women, what they are, what the benefits are, if you have any hacks for them, and then tell me about kegel exercises for men, because I think a lot of people don’t know about this.
Emily Morse: Okay. Kegel exercises are another way. They’re kind of a little bit of magic. Just imagine doing your kegels, and they don’t take that much time. If you do them a few times a week, you’ll see so many improvements. Let’s talk about for women. If you don’t know what they are, best way to describe it, I’ve not found a more elegant way, but it’s those pee stopping muscles when you stop and start the flow of urine. If you’re going to the bathroom and someone knocks on the door, you stop it. It’s those muscles. What you do is five minutes a day you tense, relax them, tense, relax. You hold them for 10 seconds, relax. I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp that I created because doctors always tell you to do them, and you never remember. It can remind you twice a day to do them, as many times. It gets harder. There’s 20 levels.
The point is you do them, and these muscles atrophy over time. They just will. Your pelvic floor, like everything else, will drop. No matter what age you are, it’s important to work them. For women, you can have stronger orgasms. After childbirth, a lot of women suffer from urinary incontinence. You sneeze and you pee. Not so fun. It’s just healthy to keep those muscles strong. It’s just for a lot of women, even for myself, I haven’t had kids, but I was feeling like practice what I preach. I’m going to do them. I have to say, just like the Fiera for libido, I felt like it enhanced my libido, because we just shut down that whole part of our body, women. We’re like neck up. Just the fact of five minutes a day breathing into it, it’s like I’ve got kegels of steel. I wish I could show you, but I did things like that. I’m having stronger orgasms. I’m desiring sex more, because I’m drawing attention to that area.
Dave Asprey: You don’t have to be naked to do these. You could be doing kegel exercises right now, and I wouldn’t know it.
Emily Morse: Oh yeah. Actually, I’ve been doing them the whole show.
Dave Asprey: Me too.
Emily Morse: I’m trying to [inaudible 00:22:01]. My goal is when I’m a guest on other people’s podcast. No, but here’s the thing. Doctors are always like, “Oh, when you’re at a traffic light, do them.” People can get those routines down every time. I have a friend who will say, “Every time I’m on the phone, I do them.” I forget. That’s why my app is like, “Reminder,” and then it walks you through it. Yes, you could do them anywhere. You could do them, tense, relax those muscles. The thing is a lot of people do them incorrectly. I’ve got some information on my site, and they squeeze their butts too much. It’s really these really delicate muscles that you just got to make sure you tense and relax them, again, five minutes. It helps.
Dave Asprey: You hold them for five minutes straight, or you tense on and off for five minutes?
Emily Morse: The entire exercise is five minutes. You can do three if you want to hack it.
Dave Asprey: You’re doing it, you’re holding for five seconds? I’m assuming there’s women listening to this right now who are like, “Okay, I’m going to try this.”
Emily Morse: Yeah, so when you hold them for five seconds, release. You tense, relax, five seconds. Tense and hold. On my app, again, you don’t have to use my app. My app-
Dave Asprey: What’s the name of the app?
Emily Morse: It’s called Kegel Camp.
Dave Asprey: Kegel Camp. All right. If you want that … Android and iPhone?
Emily Morse: Just iPhone, but we’re working on it. We’ve had it out for five years.
Dave Asprey: Just iPhone. The Android people are going to be yelling and posting. You Android people are so angry. I’m just kidding.
Emily Morse: They’re so angry at me. Everyday they email. I’m going to get it on there, I swear. I’ve had it for years. There’s so many things going on. I’ve got to get it on Android. I’m going to be honest, there’s other apps, too, but mine’s the best. However, there might be an Android version of something else. When I first launched the app, I only had 10 levels. How it gets increasingly more difficult is you hold them longer. It’s still a five minute routine or three minute, but then you tense and hold for 10 seconds and release it for 10 seconds, or you do rapid ones. You play with it, but it’s still the same muscles. Just like any other kind of exercise routine, you mix up your routine it gets increasingly harder, so I release it at 10 levels thinking, “Is anyone really going to do it?” They were like, “I’ve got to 10. Now what?” Now there’s 10 levels. People are like, “Oh my God.”
I have guys, we’ll talk about the benefits for men. I’ve had guys who are like, “Oh my God, now I shoot across the room like I’m 19 years old,” for example, when the ejaculate. They’re like, “I can maintain my erection longer.” It’s helpful for the prostate for men. Men and women do them the same way. We all have the pelvic floor muscles, the kegel muscles to work on. For women, the new technology this year was a product called the Intensity by PourMoi. These are all on my website as well, sexwithemily.com.
The coolest thing about this product is … Oh God, I love this. I wish they could do this for every kind of exercise is that it’s an insertable product. You put it inside you. It kind of is a vibrator, to be honest. It looks like a rabbit vibrator, but it uses gentle electro stimulation five to eight minutes a day for four times a week, and it stimulates your kegel muscles, so it actually does it for you. You like back in bed, check out your phone, answer an email. I’m telling you, I don’t even have to do them on my own. It totally works. It feels good. Then it’s a vibrator, and then at the end you’re like, “Okay.” You get a little reward here.
Dave Asprey: Reward you for your workout.
Emily Morse: Exactly.
Dave Asprey: If people listening think that’s skeptical, I just have to tell you straight up the vast majority of how my whole body looks right now comes from vibration and electrical stimulation. It puts on muscle. I use the Bulletproof Vibe, which is the standing vibration platform that I manufacture. You can look at me. I’m not the most ripped. The New York Times says I’m almost muscular, which is what I want to be. There’s that, and I put electrodes on my arm, and I run the same kind of currents, but heavier, over my body. That’s what I do.
Emily Morse: You’re sitting at home eating popcorn exercising?
Dave Asprey: I stand for 10 minutes a day on a platform while I’m on the phone. It vibrates 30 times a second. I do a little yoga poses, like one-legged forward folds or squats, but I’m not working out, because I’m on the phone doing them. I just stand there. Then I run the electricity once or twice a week. Sometimes I lift heavy stuff maybe once every two weeks, and I go for a walk every now and then. Literally I work out less than anyone I know. I’m looking pretty good for a mid 40s guy.
Emily Morse: That’s amazing. I was like, “Why do you look so good?” Is it all Bulletproof? No, I mean-
Dave Asprey: No, I do the Bulletproofs. I had my own stem cells put in my blood. I do everything. I’m going to live to 180 years old. There is nothing on Earth that I don’t do, but I don’t exercise all the time. The only reason I’m bringing this up is this is an example. The two technologies that you’re talking about there, like the electrical stimulation, and I don’t really want to put myself in whole body suction, except actually I do. I have a machine that takes me to 22,000 feet elevation. Literally, it removes air pressure and then puts it back. It’s like [inaudible 00:26:52] for my whole body all that the same time. It’s like a space capsule thing. Anyway, this is biohacking craziness.
Emily Morse: I love biohacking craziness [inaudible 00:27:00], because I always say, “What if you could do something that would do your sit-ups for you?” What I was talking about is my show, and how amazing would that be if you didn’t have to go to the gym, and you’re telling me you’ve actually invented this-
Dave Asprey: No, actually that’s Suzanne, Suzanne Summers. She’s been on the show, too. That Ab Blaster stuff with the electrical stim, it’s not a joke. When you run the electrical current over your muscles the right wave forms, they totally, totally work. There’s seven a Face Master that she makes where it’s like the electrical stim around your eyes. She sent me one and it’s really cool. I don’t use it regularly, because I have all sorts of toys, but when you do use it, oh my God, if you have crows feet and bags, you can shock them away in two minutes. It exercises your face muscles.
Emily Morse: [crosstalk 00:27:39] my show if you’re not going to use it, I’m totally going to use it.
Dave Asprey: Awesome. I’m sure she’ll-
Emily Morse: [inaudible 00:27:45] crows feet. No, so this is the same kind of thing. Yeah, this Intensity, you put it inside if you’re like, “I can’t do it,” and it’s a vibrator, so hey. It also will stimulate your libido. That’s so cool. I love you’re doing all this stuff.
Dave Asprey: I’m just saying that that stuff really works for muscle development. If you’re a woman of any age, or frankly a guy, although we don’t get as much attention down there from electrical current stuff, but these kinds of things to increase strength in the pelvic floor, it goes beyond just sexual interest and performance. They talk about your core muscles in your meditation and the eastern yoga side of things. That’s the lowest of the, what do we call them? I’m blanking on it.
Emily Morse: The chakras.
Dave Asprey: The locks. There’s three different locks. There’s [mudras budras 00:28:32]. There’s basically a root lock that it’s called. There’s also a throw lock. When you have a strong core, in other words, the perineum area, it actually grounds you and enables you to move energy up your central column. This goes beyond just, “I’m good in bed, and I have powerful orgasms.” It’s like, “I am more present as a woman or a man, because the core of my very core is strong.”
Emily Morse: I’m so glad you brought that up, because it’s actually I do a lot of meditation and breathing. I realize a lot of times I was very chest up. I wasn’t as connected. With all my yoga and all the spiritual meditating for 20 years, often times you go through your day, this whole part of me can be just shut down. When you’re breathing into your pelvic floor while you’re doing these exercises and strengthening your pelvic floor, it does have an amazing impact on your entire body and your entire well-being. You’re so right.
Dave Asprey: All right. This tech, these are biohacking tech for sex, but this was called Intensity, and it was by PourMe or something?
Emily Morse: PourMoi, like “for me” in French. P-O-U-R-M-O-I.com. Again, it’s all on my website, because they sent me one. I would never talk about a product that I didn’t know. I try everything, luckily. We get 25 pounds of sex toys sent to us today. [crosstalk 00:29:51]-
Dave Asprey: You have a good life, don’t you?
Emily Morse: I really do, I have to say. Some guy emailed me. I’m actually doing these dating apps now for fun, and a test, and maybe we’ll get to that, but he was like, “How did you manage to turn my favorite hobby into your career?” I’m like, “Because it’s sex. It’s amazing. It’s fun.” I was happy to get your Bulletproof coffee the other day, because usually it’s toys. That was actually a nice change from the [inaudible 00:30:16]. We usually get-
Dave Asprey: I don’t recommend ground coffee for use down there, but there are …
Emily Morse: I was like, “Oh my God, it’s coffee and the mug.” I love Contigo, that you use Contigo, because I’m obsessed with Contigo everything.
Dave Asprey: They make some amazing mugs. The Bulletproof Contigo mug, I tested 100 mugs to find one that was the perfect one. Yeah.
Emily Morse: I gift it to all my friends, the Contigo everything. They’re water bottles. I have it right here. I have 15 of them, everybody in my life I have, because they don’t spill. They’re amazing. Yeah, I do have the best job ever. They sent it to me. I’m like, “Really? Am I going to do this?” Then sure enough it became part of my … I meditate. I do my kegels. I do this thing. It all works.
Dave Asprey: I’m just going to go there. My wife will probably kill me, but given that I mentioned I do my exercise with electrical stimulation, it is conceivably possible that you could put the negative electrodes on one person, and the positive electrodes on another person. Then the areas where the two people are contacting that have the most electrical flow, which would be the wettest areas, might carry the most current. Does anyone ever say anything like that?
Emily Morse: I don’t even know. I missed it there. You lost me.
Dave Asprey: It’s possible during sex to have electrical current, like the little tens unites, the ones you can buy, the little cheap $10 massage me kind of electrical current things.
Emily Morse: Oh, you’re talking about electro stimulation, like vibrator [inaudible 00:31:42].
Dave Asprey: Yeah, like the vibrator thing that you were just talking about.
Emily Morse: Okay, got it.
Dave Asprey: You can actually take, if you have a positive terminal and a negative terminal, you can put them on different sex partners.
Emily Morse: Right.
Dave Asprey: Then the areas where you come together actually literally carry a small, tingling electrical current.
Emily Morse: Right.
Dave Asprey: Which means that your lips, your fingers, and the obvious areas are going to do that. Given that I have electrical stimulation equipment that changes physiology, how could I not try something like that, or theoretically try something like that?
Emily Morse: It’s a huge things right now. I’ve got a whole vibrator kit here they sent me that’s all electro stim. People use it for electro play, for sex. There’s all these vibrators now that goes beyond vibrations, but that shock to your system can actually be a great turn on for people. Is that what you’re talking about?
Dave Asprey: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about, but there’s the, “Oh, I’m just going to shock myself,” but it’s one thing when basically one person is half of the connection, the other person is the other half, like an [inaudible 00:32:37]. Only the areas where you touch does the electrical current flow.
Emily Morse: Right, exactly. It can feel really good, which is kind of like if you give yourself a massage, it won’t feel so good, but if someone else is stimulating you, it can feel amazing.
Dave Asprey: Exactly.
Emily Morse: Or not.
Dave Asprey: It also kind of connects your nervous systems in a weird way, but do you think there’s any danger in this stuff? Not like your heart’s going to stop. It’s not like that, but are there long-term safety studies for this stuff that you’re aware of?
Emily Morse: I haven’t heard … God, you always hear about dangers with sex when people they take it too far, like autoerotic asphyxiation. I don’t encourage that. Even bondage with shibari ropes, and they do stuff, you got to be careful with everything. I haven’t [inaudible 00:33:21] these devices. Yes, with this electric stimulation, sure, you can go too far, like with everything, but I haven’t heard, and I read everything about sex. I’ve never heard anybody completely shocking themselves to the point of anything super.
Dave Asprey: I don’t think there’s any short-term risk. I just wonder. I believe long-term electrical stimulation actually makes your cells stronger. It adds electrons to your mitochondria. Terry Wahls, who’s been on the show who wrote the book “Minding my Mitochondria” actually used the electrical stim to cure her MS. She got out of a wheelchair using batter powered stem.
Emily Morse: How?
Dave Asprey: Along with diet and everything else. I think we’re doing good things, but there are a group of people out there who will be like, “Oh my God, what’s going to happen?” My advice for everyone listening is if it’s plugged into the wall, don’t stick it inside you. If it’s batter powered, and it doesn’t have a rotating motor, it’s probably not going to have a big electrical field. If it’s a vibrator, it may have a small electrical field, and it may not be good for you over long periods of time. We don’t know.
Emily Morse: This Intensity actually takes two double A batteries. It’s not plugged into the wall, and you start out at a really low speed. Who knows? Just like everything else, people are like, “Vibrators, are they bad for you? Are they going to numb you?” Moderation, people. Pay attention to your body. Yeah.
Dave Asprey: I didn’t know we’d go into that level of detail in electrical play, but I did have Mistress Natalie on a while ago, a professional dominatrix from New York. She went way deeper on that stuff than I ever thought. No problem.
Emily Morse: Right, no. Why not? I think sex, it’s going to become a little … How do you know what you’re going to be into? People are like, “Oh, I can never do that,” or, “That’s way outside my box,” but I don’t know. Just if you eat the same meal everyday, the same kind of sex everyday, why not try something new? Why not experiment with it? Who knows? Maybe it feels good to get shocked during sex with the right …
Dave Asprey: Yeah, or at least have some tingly stuff in the right places, if it’s not getting shocked. The bottom line is that we’re humans here to have an experience and to have experiences. If there’s an experience you’re attracted to, my advice would be if no one’s getting hurt, at least not very much, go for it.
Emily Morse: [crosstalk 00:35:25].
Dave Asprey: You might like it, right? The worst you’ll do is not like it, and then say, “Don’t do that anymore.”
Emily Morse: Yeah, that’s what I always tell my listeners. Why not? I think that we have such a limited view of what kind of pleasure we can have from sex, because we have sex the same way typically over and over and over again. “Oh, I can only have an orgasm this way, on top, on the bottom,” or, “I only feel good in this position.” How do you know? Just because that’s the way you’ve always done it, that’s like the biggest curse in language. We’ve always done it this way. Why not try something?
Even in my office, again, best job ever, I had a woman who worked for me, and she was like, “I’ve never had a multiple orgasm, so obviously it won’t happen.” I was like, “How do you know it won’t happen?” She’s like, “I just know.” We make decisions like this all the time. I said, “Try this.” I gave her some tips. Sex with Emily team does a sex toy review show podcast once a month. She came back in the next day and she said, “I had five.” I’m like, “Wow, you even surpassed most people.”
We have such limitations about what we’re going to like with sex, or that it’s always going to be the same. I’m just saying God, if you really want to have longevity with your sex life, attraction to your partner, or just even learn your own body, try some of these things. It’s sex. It’s supposed to be fun and pleasurable. Go there. Try it.
Dave Asprey: It is, indeed, and I love hearing that. For the new year, a lot of people make resolutions. I don’t know how many people make sexual resolutions for the new year, but what resolutions to improve someone’s sex life would you recommend?
Emily Morse: God, I recommend that everybody adds in just one little sexual resolution, because again, we’re talking about preventing what we know is going to happen, some kind of malaise in your sex life. I say resolve to masturbate with a purpose.
Dave Asprey: Like orgasm, or some other purpose?
Emily Morse: Okay. We know that’s a sure thing. You’re thinking, “You know what? I got my hand, men are going, ‘I do it all the time.'”
Dave Asprey: How hard is that? Oh wait, I just-
Emily Morse: Right, exactly. For women, again, and men, we tend to masturbate the same way, if we do at all, over and over and over again. There’s so much information that we can get from taking time to masturbate that will actually help us improve our sex life. Try new things. Understand your body. Try. I have nothing against watching porn, reading erotica, trying a new sex toy, exploring your body in different ways using your fingers. Nipple orgasms, second most common orgasm. How many women have had one of those? I haven’t. I haven’t really focused on it. It’s on my bucket list. Just with the purpose of knowing your body more and wanting more pleasure in the year, and also you might learn some things that you never knew that it felt great when someone tickles the inside of your wrist here or something, your forearm. Then you can share that with a partner. Then improve your sex life. Try new things, setting the mood, toys. I’m a huge fan of toys, different positions. Just don’t stagnate there, okay? Masturbation [inaudible 00:38:36].
Dave Asprey: All right. Resolve no stagnation. What about the role of shame? It seems like a lot of people are really ashamed that they might like something, they wouldn’t like something. It seems like the more shame that’s associated with something when someone does it, the more intense the experience for them. At least that’s what Mistress Natalie was talking about there.
Emily Morse: Oh my God, there’s so much shame.
Dave Asprey: Yeah, what’s your take on that?
Emily Morse: My take is yes, there’s so much shame when it comes to sex and to asking for what we want, to even admitting that we masturbate or that we enjoy sex. It never goes away. For a lot of people, it doesn’t go away, and it can start from childhood, religion, messages we got especially as young girls. There’s always that time in a young girl’s life when we’re maybe about six or seven, and everything is great. Maybe we feel like we’re just like the guys. It’s a hot summer day. We’re outside. Maybe we take our shirt of as well. Someone says, “Hey there, Emily, little Emily. Put your shirt on. You’re not supposed to be … Cross your legs.”
That’s when the shame starts. We think there’s something wrong with my body parts. I should be shameful of showing myself. Yeah, you shouldn’t walk around when you’re 15 with your shirt off, but there’s just something bad around our bodies. There’s shame. We’re not taught anything about pleasure, that it actually can feel good. We’re just taught, “Cover up. Your body is only for you to see.” These messages start at a very, very young age. If that’s the conditioning we got in our home, it’s going to continue into our sex life.
I talk to people of all ages, literally, that are just like, “Wow, but I just feel so bad talking about sex or masturbating still.” I think just the way to get over that is to realize that sex is for your pleasure, and to just kind of … It’s reprogramming the mind, really, and realizing you’re not going to hell. You’re going to experience so much more pleasure. All the serotonin, dopamine, everything will be spiked because of the pleasures you’re getting from it. It’s really just kind of just altering the way that you think around sex. Shame is a tough one. That’s why couples don’t often communicate around sex, because they’re afraid that they’re going to be shamed for asking for what they want in bed, that a woman is going to feel like she’ll be judged as a slut because she knows that if she’s in this position, this is the most pleasure, or if a guy asks for a certain fantasy that he wants, pleasure, that he’ll be judged. It’s all messed up in our brains, and it prevents us from having the best sex we can.
Dave Asprey: That’s a good resolution for the beginning of the year, but also just any time. Just resolve to ask for something you want in bed that you’ve never had. That’s a powerful thing to do. It’s also a little bit scary for most people, but you’ll probably find that if you do that, you might get what you ask for. You might even like it. Your partner might like it, or they might not. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know.
Emily Morse: Exactly. I always say communication is lubrication, because the more that you actually practice talking to your partner about sex and what you like and what you want, you’re going to find out that your sex life is going to improve. It’s like a muscle, communicating about sex. We don’t learn it. No one tells you how to do it, so yes, it will be a little uncomfortable the first time. Believe me, the rewards are going to come back tenfold. Just practice communicating and asking for what you want. If it’s not comfortable for you, I often say make a sexual bucket list with your partner. Be like, “These are the five things I want to try,” and you exchange lists and see, “Let’s kind of put these on … In January we’ll do this, February.” Your sex life could just go through the roof. Why not try? Life is too short not to have good sex.
Dave Asprey: It’s totally true. Life is way too short for mediocre sex. We’re coming up on the end of the show, and I’d love to ask you the Bulletproof question.
Emily Morse: Do it.
Dave Asprey: Since you’ve already been on the show once, so you’ve already answered the original Bulletproof question. I’m going to ask you a different question. The normal question is what are your top three recommendations for someone who comes to you and says, “Look, I want to perform better at everything I do in life.” You’ve already answered that question. However, if someone came to you tomorrow and said, “What are your top three recommendations for performing better in the bedroom?” what would you say? You only have three things that you can recommend. What are they?
Emily Morse: Okay. Number one-
Dave Asprey: Man or woman. It’s got to be generic.
Emily Morse: Okay, generic. I would say number one is masturbation, even for men, men and women. Men are like, “I don’t have a problem with that,” but masturbate a little bit differently for men, too. You think that, “Oh, I’ve got my hand. It feels good. Try a fleshlight. Try something different. Try prostate play. Masturbate, masturbate. It’s the best information you’ll get about what feels good, so masturbation. Communication. Communicate, like I said, communicate with your partner. That will help everybody across the board. Most people do not ask for what they want out of fear or shame, and then they’re never going to get it. Then they have bad sex. I’d say it’s kind of what I said. Masturbate, communicate, and honestly, use lube. I’m telling you-
Dave Asprey: Top three, I love it.
Emily Morse: Top three. Lubrication, people are like, “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t have a problem.” This is what everyone says to me. “Oh, no. We don’t have that problem. We’re already wet.” No, no, no. Guess what? Lube, my dream is a lube on every nightstand. Literally [inaudible 00:44:03] computer, lube on every nightstand, because there’s this stigma that if you use lube, it’s because she’s dry. There’s discomfort. You didn’t turn her on. It’s embarrassing. I’m not talking about KY jelly. I’m saying go get a good bottle of System Joe lube, or something that’s great. You add a few drops, a few drops before you start sex on the clitoris, around your penis. I’m telling you, women, 80% of women in this study at Indiana University showed they were more likely to orgasm when you add a little lube. That’s my tip.
Dave Asprey: That sounds like a pretty good tip. All right, Emily. Thank you for being on Bulletproof Radio and sharing some incredibly interesting new technologies around hacking your ability to have an orgasm. People can find out more at sexwithemily.com. They can subscribe to your podcast by the same name, and find your content with ask Emily pretty much all over the place now. Did I get all the good places?
Emily Morse: Yep, all the good places. It’s all on my website, you can find it. Also social media, we do a lot of giveaways, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, it’s all at Facebook @SexWithEmily across the board. Yeah, just go there. You’ll learn it all, because I’m everywhere on the web, but Sex With Emily is a good home base to start.
Dave Asprey: Awesome.
Emily Morse: Podcast, all that.
Dave Asprey: Thanks for being on Bulletproof Radio this time.
Emily Morse: So fun. Next time you’re on Sex With Emily.
Dave Asprey: All right, it’s a deal.
Emily Morse: Okay.
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