Disclaimer: this article talks about sex, porn, orgasms, French maids, penis size, and about a dozen other things you probably don’t want your boss to see you reading. Proceed with caution.
At the most basic level, all animals, including you, are hardwired to do three things:
- The other “F”
I call this your Labrador Brain. It’s a fast, dumb system that’s at the core of all motivation. It’ll rule you if you let it.
On the other hand, if you master your motivators, you can redirect the energy behind them as you see fit. There’s Bulletproof Intermittent Fasting to curb food cravings and preserve your willpower, and neurofeedback or HRV training to control your fight-or-flight response.
But what about that third one?
Sex is one of the most powerful drives you have. It’s tough to hack it – but it’s also very satisfying. This article will talk about mastering your sex drive, as well as how you can take your sex life to the next level.
Get off porn
The Internet is a wild and woolly place. A click of the mouse gives you access to millions of naked, improbably attractive people doing any sexual act you can imagine, no matter how crazy. And you can switch to a new person whenever you want.
That’s a lot of intense, rapid-fire sexual gratification. It’s also a lot of dopamine flooding into your brain.
The problem is that your brain isn’t equipped to handle that kind of stimulation [1,2]. It responds to porn much like it does to cocaine or alcohol – a big rush of pleasure, with diminishing returns over time [1,2]. And like with addictive drugs, porn seems to cause tolerance. In a survey of 434 people, half of them eventually began watching porn they used to consider disgusting or unappealing . They turned to more intense scenarios to get them off.
A good theory is that the more you watch porn, the more stimulation you need to turn you on. Seems likely – regular porn users have smaller, less responsive reward pathways , and a study found that 60% of men who watch porn regularly couldn’t get erect with a real partner, while they did with porn .
In other words: when you’re used to watching three French maids in a room together, the thought of sex with your wife may stop being enough to excite you. Quitting porn can reset your arousal and get you back in touch with real, intimate sex.
Not convinced that porn is that big a deal? Try ditching it for a month. It might be more difficult than you expect.
Natural male enhancement
No, we aren’t coming out with Bulletproof penis pills. But, guys, there is a way you can increase the size of your equipment.
Male deer exercises strengthen your pelvic floor and the erector muscles in your penis. That gives you better ejaculatory control, staves off ED, and – in my experience – makes you bigger.
I did male deer exercises every morning for a month and saw a ~20% increase in size. Pretty cool.
You can also try stem cell injections to increase length and girth. Stay tuned for more about that in the coming months…
Focus on fun, not finishing
In Bulletproof Radio #254, Eli Block, lead orgasmic meditation instructor at OneTaste, talks about changing the way most people view sex:
The standard expectation with sex is a beginning, middle, and (most prominently) an end: foreplay, penetration, and climax, with climax as the goal (ideally, according to this progression, for both partners).
That formula has a couple shortcomings. The first is that it makes sex repetitive. You’re doing the same thing every time, which can become less and less rewarding. The second issue is setting climax as a goal. Focus on getting to the end, and you tend to miss out on the buildup. It also sets up an expectation, which means you can “fail” if you/your partner don’t get there. That’s a fast track to shame, performance anxiety, and so on.
Taking away the goal of orgasm gets you out of your head. It frees you up to focus on the connection between you and your partner. With that comes more oxytocin, more bonding, more fulfilling sex, and more unpredictability. You go with what feels right, instead of a generic prescription for what sex “should be.” Each time is unique, and the sex itself becomes just as pleasurable as climaxing.
Orgasmic meditation is a powerful way to become more attuned to your partner (and yourself) during sex. It sounds a little woo-woo, but it’s legit. OneTaste offers excellent orgasmic meditation courses in most major cities (no, they aren’t paying me to say that). You may remember the OneTaste team from the Bulletproof Conference last year – they were the ones wearing bright red shirts that said “Orgasm Expert.”
Boost your sex drive with maca
Maca is a Peruvian root that grows on the barren slopes of the Andes. Researchers still aren’t sure why maca works, but studies show that it’s a potent aphrodisiac.
- In one study, researchers gave 57 men either 1.5g maca, 3g maca, or placebo daily. Participants in both maca groups reported heightened sexual desire .
- Research in both men  and women  found that 3g of maca daily counters decreased libido from taking antidepressants.
- In men, maca also increases sperm count and motility  and can reverse mild erectile dysfunction .
Always use gelatinized (cooked) maca. You have trouble digesting the raw version and won’t get the same benefits from it. Take 3g daily, blended into your morning coffee, or take an extract. Here’s a more in-depth look at maca.
Orgasm more, if you’re a woman…
Good news, ladies: orgasms are great for your biology. They support your hormones and relieve stress.
Orgasm floods your system with estrogen  and oxytocin [12,13]. Oxytocin has earned the nickname “the love molecule” because it fosters social bonding, trust, relaxation, and generosity . A lot of that buzzy, warm afterglow you get with your partner post-sex is thanks to oxytocin.
Estrogen enhances oxytocin, too . The two work in synergy when you orgasm, creating a cocktail of feel-good bonding and relaxation. On top of that comes a drop in cortisol, which relieves even more stress, and an increase in serotonin, which boosts your mood .
Basically, if you’re a woman, orgasm supports your hormones and makes you happier. Lucky you.
Or less, if you’re a man
Guys, we got the short end of the evolutionary stick here. Men get a much sharper increase in prolactin after ejaculating – that’s what extinguishes your drive and makes you want to take a nap post-sex . Men also get a larger post-ejaculatory dip in dopamine, which explains why a lot of us feel a little depressed after the act.
Men benefit from ejaculating less. Not too fun from a pleasure standpoint, but it presents a powerful opportunity for biohacking:
- Abstinence for 3 weeks increases testosterone in healthy men . Which is good, considering average testosterone for us guys has been dropping by about 1% per year for the last 30 years .
- Sex (not orgasm) increases testosterone by up to 72% [19,20]. Sex-related thoughts boost it too. I had a lot more of both when I abstained – my sex drive was off the charts.
- Abstinence can also lead to greater life satisfaction and, oddly, more attention from women. No studies for these, but there is a lot of personal and anecdotal evidence.
Controlling how often you climax can also lead to unprecedented motivation. A coaching client of mine made a deal with his wife that he wouldn’t ejaculate until he made $100,000 – a whole lot of money for him, at the time. He was $100,000 richer in under 30 days. His ambition and productivity went through the roof. He credits his success to abstaining.
I had a similar increase in motivation. I tried three different ejaculatory control experiments:
The Taoist equation
Your 8th grade math teacher wasn’t lying when he said algebra is sexy. Ancient Chinese Taoism has an equation for “optimal sexual power:”
(Age – 7)/4 = X
Plug in your age. The number you get for X is the number of days you should go between ejaculations. A 39-year-old man, for example, would ejaculate every 8 days.
I followed this equation for several weeks, tracking my perceived quality of life and sex drive. Both were significantly higher when I was only climaxing every 8 days.
The 30-day challenge
Go a full month without ejaculating, but have as much sex as you want, with yourself or with a partner. Just stop before you finish.
This one is difficult to do. I also got the most benefits from it. I saw the highest increase in life satisfaction, my sex drive went through the roof, and I was phenomenally productive. I also got a LOT more attention from women, both my wife and otherwise, although I didn’t track it because I wasn’t expecting it.
30-day challenge: monk mode
Go a full month with no sexual stimulation at all. Don’t even touch it.
The normal 30-day challenge is tough. This one is much, much harder (no pun intended). I don’t recommend it unless you’re looking for an exceptional test of willpower. With monk mode, I still got happier and more productive as the 30 days went on, but the increase was smaller than it was with the normal 30-day challenge. I also saw shrinkage. About 20%. Use it or lose it, I guess. Fortunately, the length came back when I started having sex again.
Ways to make ejaculatory control easier
- HRV training teaches you to consciously control your parasympathetic nervous system, which lets you regulate your fight-or-flight response. It’s great for learning to stop yourself from going over the edge.
- Have someone else hold you accountable. If your spouse or partner is in on your plan you’ll be less likely to break.
- Join the NoFap community on Reddit. It’s full of people who are off porn and masturbation. There are also a lot of good stories about how people’s lives have changed when they limit their orgasms. There’s even a panic button add-on for your web browser that you can use to stay strong when the urge hits you.
I’ll ask, at my own risk: any hacks you use in the bedroom? Keep it relatively clean, please – we’re not prudes here, but no erotica in the comments. And for more about sex (and a look into using BDSM to reach flow states), listen to Bulletproof Radio #341 with ketogenic dominatrix Mistress Natalie. Thanks for reading and have a sexy week.
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